Lay the Podium Down

Friday, November 19, 2004

Last night I went to see Kevin Smith speak at Roy Thompson Hall.  He was filming a sequel to An Evening with Kevin Smith.

I don’t like Kevin Smith’s movies that much… _Clerks_ is good, but overrated.  And the rest is, well, just overrated.  But even though I don’t like his movies, I like _him_.

He makes a lot of blowjob jokes, and audience questions are always along the lines of “would you read my screenplay?” or “wanna smoke a fatty later?” which makes for a pretty juvenile experience, but when he gets on a roll with a rant or story he’s quite entertaining and captivating.

Truthfully, the guy is at his most entertaining when he’s ripping into other celebrities.  In this case: Ben Affleck.  When asked how he got Affleck to cry in _Jersey Girl_, Smith said, “Easy.  I brought a psychic on set to read his cards for the next two years of his career.” He even told Affleck himself, “I know we haven’t talked recently.. but I’ve been busy… dodging a falling star!”

And to the overweight, pimply, self-pimping fanboys who come to these events and expect Kevin Smith to be your best friend and NOT shoot you down when you ask him to read your script or be in your movie or hang out with you and tell you everything’s gonna be alright: It would be wise to focus your energy elsewhere.  Like on girls maybe.

I went home ultimately disappointed.  Maybe I was expecting better stories like the Jon Peters or Prince stories from the first _Evening With..._ and all I got was a bunch of cock-sucking jokes and stoner geeks yelling, “DUDE!!! JAY AND SILENT BOB ROCK!!!! SNOOCH TO THE NOOCH!!!”

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