Things I Learned from Cable TV

Thursday, March 24, 2005

I have lived without cable television for over 3 years now.  “But John,” you ask, “you work for a cable television station!” Yes, isn’t irony wonderful?

But I have recently given into the seductive lure of the coaxial devil and am currently surrounded by the sulphur and brimstone of 70+ demonic stations of sinful, sinful bliss.

Having been gone for so long, I had to reaquaint myself with the lay of the land.  Here are the things I’ve learned from my recent reassociation with cable television:


  • Cleaning and beauty products are made from “the parts of the food you don’t eat” like orange oil and grape seeds.  I won’t be surprised if one day my shampoo boasts that it’s made with “100% real watermelon rind and pure chicken bone extract”.

  • Women get made over, towns get hauled, and rides get pimped.

  • Producers won’t stop until they finally deliver us the inevitable: Law & Order: CSI (alternately: CSI: Law & Order)

  • If you don’t like the episode of the Simpsons that’s on, that’s okay; there are 2 different episodes playing on 2 different stations anyway.

  • In the future, when meeting people, instead of asking, “what do you do?” we will ask, “what reality show were you on?” because sooner or later we will all have been on at least one.  I’m probably on one right now.
    Whatever you’re selling, I want it, and I need it NOW!!

Comments

3-25-05 · 1:48 pm

Eva says:

Are you actually watching any stations that you didn’t have before? Or are you just getting 50 extra stations with just advertisements and extra reruns of The Simpsons?
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3-25-05 · 7:17 pm

wendy says:

Coming from a tv addict, you have a lot more learning to go.  I welcome you to the wide world of cable!  Enjoy

3-26-05 · 11:22 pm

punky says:

What’s with the sudden influx of people we work with getting full cable? I can think of at least 8 people, myself included, that have caved and ordered full-on cable since February 1. What gives? Don’t you think that, working at a TV network, we should get a stipend each month to pay for cable so we can watch the channels we work on?

4-13-05 · 8:08 pm

kt says:

I just cancelled my cable because I got sucked into that world so quickly.  But what I’ve discovered is that now with only three channels that come in clearly, I still manage to watch just as much and it’s just as much crap as before.  Argh.  Shut off the cable!  It’s not worth it!